


Other Self Medicating

by Crowley_KingOfHell



Series: Septic-Egos [3]
Category: Antisepticeye - Fandom, chase brody - Fandom, jacksepticeye, jacksepticeye egos - Fandom
Genre: Depression, Drug Use, Fluff and Angst, JSE egos - Freeform, Self Medicating, antipocolypse, antisepticeye, chase brody - Freeform, drug references, egopocolypse, jse community - Freeform, minimal angst, trigger warnings?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-07 07:16:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14666061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowley_KingOfHell/pseuds/Crowley_KingOfHell
Summary: Community Dad Chase Brody is here to save the Glitch boi from the scary new pain of his humanity (with a little encouragement from the other egos).





	1. Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This contains spoilers for the current Antipocolypse events going on on Jack's channel. Please be aware of this if you aren't caught up ^^  
> This is placed sometime after the events of the events in Dark Silence

Red light spilled out from under the threshold of a bedroom door at the very end of a hallway, watched closely by several fretted egos on the opposite end of the hall. Chase had leaned his head and neck around the corner to peer to the other side, Marvin's ears stuck out ludicrously ahead of his eyes, peaking around beneath Chase, and JJ's bowler hat and eyes beneath Marvin's. The trio had noticed the pulsing and shifting red glow the night before but none had been able to work up the courage to risk knocking. Here again they gathered to bicker amongst themselves over who should be the one to approach, JJ making the valid point with his signing that after knocking, how was he to answer Anti's inevitable question of 'Who is it?' Marvin and JJ then turned the tables on Chase and pulled out the puppy eyes, filling the father of two's Responsible Dad guilt-meter easily. Finally he threw his hands up and closed his eyes, nodding curtly, mouthing "Fine."

Not one to work well with an audience, Chase shooed the other egos away, insisting not to begin until they were out of sight. Once they'd retreated back to the living room, Chase cautiously made his way to the final door, his mouth dry. He stood outside the door, arm raised and fist balled to knock, but remained a statue. He didn't necessarily FEAR Anti but when the living virus shut himself away, it was usually because it was in the best interest of the other egos. Anti had not long been living with the other egos, and was still very new to the corporeal plane, it seemed to his brothers that his connection here was unstable. Chase could hear static hissing loudly on the other side of the door, almost drowning out the sound of his pulse thundering in his ear. Just as he thought to leave and come back later with some liquid courage, a shivering sob broke the spell that held fast his hand. Chase knocked, instinctively saying, "Hey buddy, is everything okay in there?"

The static ceased immediately and there was only silence. Chase felt his heart rate jump and he grabbed the door handle, "Anti are you alright?" He turned the brushed nickel handle and swung the door in without a second thought. The room had gone dark, the red light gone, but the light from the hall illuminated enough for Chase to spot the room's occupant. Anti was sitting on the floor, legs splayed in his ripped skinny jeans, hands clutching his hair, head hung low. His shoulder shook with restrained sobs and Chase dropped to his knees at his side quickly, hesitating before carefully laying a hand on Anti's shoulder. He noticed how the surface of Anti's skin felt like it was humming, after a few deep breaths, Anti finally stop shaking. He sniffled loudly, wiping his face on the front of his shirt. Chase couldn't help but smile at the child-like behavior Anti exhibited since joining the real world.

"You don't have to talk about it right now, but I was gonna ask if you wanted to come chill with me in my room for a bit? Maybe let your room clear out the funk in it that's got you down." Chase was much braver than he expected himself to be. Something about Anti sitting in a corner, knees now pulled up to his chest as he continued to sniffle, brought out the best in the estranged father. Anti looked up at him with his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Chase just smiled and waited. "Yeah...sure." Anti replied quietly, the electronic failure of his voice the ego's equivalent of breaking. Chase stood and offered him a hand, pulling him to his feet when it was accepted. He draped an arm around Anti's shoulders and steered him down the hall to Chase's room. 

Chase's bedroom was much nicer than Anti had anticipated. Rather than a dirty dorm-room like bedroom, Chase had a very modern lounge style to his space. An unmade bed sat in the corner by the door, but across from the entrance sat a sleek arm chair and love seat, a small end table between them, facing a small flat screen tv on the wall. Closet door slightly ajar, Anti did notice and overpiled laundry basket, at least one sign that someone spent any time in here. On the wall above Chase's bed was the only true impression of his personality. Pictures of his kids and ex-wife were pinned, taped, framed and hung over the headboard, a few Nerf guns hanging on the wall the side of the bed was pushed against. Chase gestured for Anti to move into the room, Anti deciding to sit on the foot of his bed, Chase sitting against the headboard. 

Without any new coercion, Anti spoke finally, "I don't like feeling things. Everything feels _awful_. So much _pain_ , and _regret_ , I hate this." His tone was so devoid of it's usual fire. Chase nodded at him, "That's a big part of life, dude, I hate to tell you." Chase said, realizing as he did how cynical he sounded, he added, "But that's how we learn, it's how we all grow and get better." Anti snorted derisively, still coated in residual disgust for humans, despite now being mostly entirely human himself, but having retained his ego abilities. "I know you don't wanna be some sappy loser, but being okay doesn't mean being weak. You gotta shrug off the chip you got on your shoulder, man." Chase persisted. "It's not like that." Anti said abruptly. Chase turned his head and listened, celebrating his small victory internally. "I can't turn my brain off, now that I can feel. I feel _everything_. It's constant, unending, maddening." Anti shook his head and leaned forward to lean his elbows on his crossed legs. 

Turning his words over in his head, Chase decided to try to help in the only way he really knew how. He slipped off his bed and strode over to dig through his closet. Eventually he pulled out a small, sterling silver jewelry box with two cursive letters engraved on the top, and returned to the bed. Anti raised an eyebrow at him. "I got this for Stacy for our anniversary. She gave it back when she left me." Chase explained with a sad smile before opening it and pulling out a plastic bag and shiny glass piece. "I have no idea how this will affect you, you're a wild card for sure, but if it helps me with my tragic shit maybe it can help you." Chase continued as he set a dvd case on his lap and carefully removed a small green bundle of sticky, fragrant herb. He shredded it with his fingers and swept it into a pile with his little finger before putting the bag back into the jewelry box and set it on his nightstand, hidden behind his bedroom door when they'd entered. With a moment's thought, Chase leaned across the nightstand and pushed the door shut, not wanting to have the discussion about his habit with his brothers yet. 

After carefully packing the small pile into the larger end of the glass pipe, Chase pulled a Zippo out of his jeans pocket and looked at Anti to gesture the manner in which one operates the piece. Touching the tip of the flame to one side of the weed, Chase took an experienced draw and held the breath for a few seconds. He passed the pipe to Anti and withheld the lighter until he exhaled, "Don't inhale very hard, the first few times always makes you cough a lot. Just inhale gently and hold it for a few seconds." Anti nodded and accepted the lighter, repeating Chase's movements specifically and following his instructions. The smoke burned his throat the whole way down, lungs catching flame as they filled with the unfamiliar substance. He held back as long as he could before expelling the smoke and coughing harshly, green and black eyes watering. Chase grabbed a bottle of water off his nightstand and offered it, Anti accepting it and guzzling half of it quickly. Chase hit the pipe again, forcing his eyes away from the scar on the other ego's throat, Anti sat back against the wall and felt his body become heavy stone. His mind slowed down and he became acutely aware of his self and surroundings. 

The sensation was strange but not unpleasant, he turned and looked at Chase who asked, "Are you doing alright?" As he set the pipe on his nightstand. Anti nodded slowly, "I thought you had a drinking problem." He said coarsely. Chase took his abrasiveness with a grain of salt, "I did. I stopped, but I was uh, having a lot nightmares.." He cleared his throat after accidentally making eye contact with Anti, "So I hit up my old buddy Chad and he got me this so I can sleep better. I try not to rely too much on it, but for nights when it gets bad and I start thinking about Jack's whiskey, it helps." Chase's eyes stared out of focus, his mind carefully shunting away the unfortunately recent memories of Anti's emotional torture. Anti appeared nonplussed by the confession. "I can cause nightmares. I don't know if I can stop them." Anti looked at Chase, "But I will try to help you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and feed back for me, I thrive on your input! ^^


	2. Part 2

After the conversation had played itself out, Anti and Chase had fallen into a comfortable silence. Chase finally decided to get himself moving again and make something to eat, but as he leaned up to address his fellow ego, he realized Anti had dozed off. His chin was resting against his chest and his breathing had slowed. Chase felt his heart warm at the oddly human behavior, he placed a hand on Anti's shoulder again to see if he was really out before he carefully shifted him to rest his head on the pillow. Chase started to exit the room before pausing and turning on the lamp sitting on his nightstand before closing Anti into his room to sleep in peace. 

Chase trotted down the stairs to kitchen and yanked open the fridge, letting it swing open while he spun on his heel to open a cabinet and grab a few things. He picked over the different options before settling on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with some leftover chips. As the soft sounds of clinking metal on the glass jar of a butter knife scooping jelly, JJ and Marvin came sliding into the kitchen in their socks. "How'd it go?" Marvin asked, along side JJ animatedly signing the same question. Chase laughed, "Where's the fire guys?" JJ crossed his arms and tilted his mustache to one side impatiently, Marvin rolled his eyes, "We thought you'd be dead by now. What happened? What took so long?" Chase put the pieces of bread together on a plate, putting the bag of chips between his teeth, and grabbed a soda out of the fridge. He jerked his head toward the living room. 

The trio collapsed in various places on the enormous, L-shaped couch and Chase forced down a few bites of sandwich in silence before washing the sweet snack down with a chug of sugary caffeine. "Anti is going through demon puberty. He's never felt anything like human emotions before, so I'm just letting him vent." Chase remained vague intentionally. "Is he okay?" JJ signed with a frown. Chase nodded as his mouth was sealed shut with peanut butter, he took another swig of soda and licked some leftover jelly off his palm. "Give him some space and some time. He'll be fine. He's a cool dude, really." He added eventually. JJ and Marvin looked at each other with raised eyebrows, "Uh, Chase, are you serious? Like you forgive him for everything?" Chase sobered quickly at the question, "No," he said sharply. "I'm not an idiot you guys. I haven't forgotten who or what he is, what he's done. But he's not the same, I think pain is more than he was able to comprehend when he enjoyed causing it. I'm just trying to be fair." His eyes moved from them to the wall as he retreated into his thoughts, "Everyone deserves another chance to be better."

Beautiful, restful, peaceful, dreamless sleep had come to Anti at last. He slept for what felt like hours. When he woke several hours later, the sun was in the early stages of setting and he looked around the room. He'd fallen asleep in Chase's room and Chase had left him there to rest instead of kicking him out. The lamp was on. Was that Chase too? He didn't remember it being on when they first came in. Anti sat up on the bed and let his mind wake up a bit before he exited the room, deciding to look for Chase. The upstairs was silent, laughter and the sounds of television were floating up the stairs however. Anti followed the noise to the source, the egos having collected on the couch and floor before the big screen, watching some campy, made for television sci-fi movie. Chase was mercifully the first to notice him and he motioned for Anti to join him sitting on the couch behind the majority of their brothers. Anti quietly padded in his socks to the couch and settled on one end, Chase in the middle, Jack sitting on the far end. On the floor were seated the rest of the egos, piled on pillows and beanbag chairs.

Anti let himself get pulled into the film, enjoying the ruthless behavior of the alien villain, Chase watched him relax with a blooming pride. From the corner of the couch Jack nudged Chase, who glanced at him. Jack nodded at Anti with a furrowed brow, Chase beamed and thumbed his nose. Jack gave him a shove with his heel and widened his eyes with a head jerk at his previously most evil ego. Chase mouthed "I'll explain later," before nodding back to the tv. Jack glanced past Chase at Anti, appraising the content look of his face, he noticed for once Anti's dark circles under his eyes weren't so prominent. Eyes sliding back to Chase, who was happily back in the action of the film, Jack also noted the genuine smile he wore. This was his most unexpected friendship amongst his egos, but if it helped them past their pain, Jack wouldn't worry himself over it.

After the movie ended, Chase assured Jack he'd come to his room to catch him up after Anti had gone to bed. He breezed over the detail of his intention to smoke once more with Anti to help him go back to sleep in his own room. Chase helped Anti pick a soothing candle from a few that he had in his bedroom closet to help cover the scent and to relax Anti while he tried to rest again. After sharing a few hits, Chase made for the door, turning before he closed it to address his newest brother, "If you need someone to talk to, you know which door is mine, bro. G'night." Anti nodded and replied simply, "Thanks."

Dropping onto his bed at last, Chase took a few minutes to just enjoy the comfort of his bed before sitting up to undress. He hung his hat on his lamp before extinguishing the light and letting his eyes fall closed. Sleep came quickly, and the nightmares followed. He was standing in his old home, in his bedroom, the walls empty of wedding photos and family portraits with their children. The bed was stripped and the drawers of the dresser were left open after having been cleaned out. His heart was cold and empty, Stacy had removed every trace of herself from his life, no trinkets or gifts, pictures or clothes, not single speck of the love they'd shared for so many years. Tears filled his eyes and he shut them in an attempt to hold in the stinging drops of heartbreak. The scene before him melted into darkness and Chase felt something warm around his feet and ankles. It moved like a tide, a liquid of some sort, A dim light appeared from no discernible source and Chase saw the ebb and flow he felt at his feet was blood. Mouth dropping in horror as his eyes fell on a white crib with a spaceship mobile hanging over it. "No, please, no..." His voice broke as he was drowned in anguish. He spun around the room, looking for his infant child, eyes instead landing on his oldest's small super hero bed.

Heart racing and aching, Chase cried out the names of his children, falling to his knees into the ocean of blood. The walls to the room were nowhere in sight and Chase found himself being surrounded by red light, "P-please, don't take them...don't take them away too." Chase's weak voiced was barely audible when he felt a hand wrap around his arm and pull him out of the warm sea that was threatening to drown him. The room faded and disappeared before Chase saw a new scene take form, it was their den, the fireplace mantle completely covered in photos of Stacy and him, their children and the many birthdays and holidays they'd shared. A warm glow filled the room and Chase's heart as he let the memories of his children's laughter fill his memories in place of the screams and cries. Chase finally turned to see who his savior was but found himself alone. He didn't dream again that night.


	3. Part 3

"You never came back to talk last night." Jack yawned as he poured two cups of coffee for himself and Chase, who had just joined him in the kitchen. Both in Marvel themed pajama pants and plain t-shirts, the apparent twins seated themselves next to each other at the table. "My bad, my dude. I was pretty exhausted, I passed right out after I got Anti to bed." Chase leaned the chair onto its back legs dangerously, reaching over to the fridge from his place at the table, precariously balancing himself. He snatched a bottle of chocolate ice cream syrup off the door shelf and let his chair fall back onto all four legs. Jack chuckled quietly into his black coffee as he watched his ego tiredly watch chocolate syrups slowly drip from the bottle into the cup. Chase raised the level of his coffee dramatically with the added syrup before he stirred it with his index finger. Hissing at the heat of the beverage, he downed his cup quickly. Jack sipped his mug again, before speaking once more, "Are you going to catch me up, Chase?" 

Chase looked up at his creator and smiled, "It's weird, huh?" Jack raised an eyebrow and grinned, "A little bit, yeah." Chase set his empty mug down and leaned back into his chair, "The boys are all too spooked by Anti, but he needs somebody right now. I'm sure you know it, bro. Getting through depression and shit is hard by yourself." His exhausted face gave him away. "Yer still havin' nightmares?" Jack asked without needing an answer. Chase nodded, "Usually, but last night something happened." Jack nodded for him to continue, "I was having one of the bad ones, you know the type that just kick you right in the feels?" Chase looked outside while he continued, "It was getting to the worst part, the very worst part... But it stopped, and it got better." He looked up to Jack who was still carefully watching his face. "If yer finally getting control that's good! Maybe you can start gettin' better sleep." Jack nudged his elbow with an encouraging smile, but Chase didn't return it.

"But that wasn't it, man. It was like my nightmare was interrupted, and I can't help but think it was Anti." Chase shook his head as he clutched his still warm cup. Jack leaned forward, "Aren't you givin' him a lot of credit?" He said with sympathetic eyes. "It's something he said," Chase explained, "After we'd been talking and stuff I told him about my nightmares and he said he wanted to help." The two held each other's gaze, before Chase finally finished his thought, "He said he knew he could cause nightmare, that he wasn't sure if he could stop them, but that he wanted to help me." Jack raised his eyebrows thoughtfully. "That's oddly friendly of him." Jack frowned as he processed the information, "Chase, thank you, for reaching out to him. I'm sure Jamie had somethin' to do with this, but I appreciate ye doing it anyway. He can't get better if he doesn't know better is out there. Let me know if I can help, alright?" Jack stood and offered to take Chase's cup, which Chase handed up to him. "Thanks, bro." Chase smiled before rubbing his face and standing as well.

Anti was wide awake in his bedroom, light peeking through a crack in his curtains as he processed the events of the night before. He had been there, the first time, the original nightmare. It was he who had conjured the sight that had stricken Chase immobile in his unconscious. Anti had artfully pieced together the sounds and images that broke into the core of his only friend, with the sole intention of bringing him to the very worst place one could find themselves. In pain, alone, and weak. He had been the one to drive Chase to numb himself with various liquors and one day put a cold steel barrel to his temple. Now the room around Anti spun furiously, his stomach empty but threatening to spill over regardless. Why had he done that? Why was he evil? Why did it bring him pleasure to inflict pain? He had sought the death of the ego that now was his crutch in the real world. He was indeed not the conquering evil mastermind he had previously thought himself. Arms wrapped around his legs as he sat in his corner, Anti dug his claw-like nails into his forearms in furious anger with himself.

Tight fingers were screwed up in Jamie's dress shirt, holding him back from making his way down the hall, "NO. You're not going in there alone." Marvin said firmly. Jamie turned around grabbed Marvin's wrist, pulling his shirt free before signing irritably, "Don't be such a worry-wart, you know I'm his pal, he won't hurt me." Marvin didn't look remotely convinced, but released his brother and watched as he made his way to Anti's room. Jamie waved him away before loudly using his personal identifying knock, A Shave And A Hair Cut. There was only a brief pause before the door swung open, Anti was shirtless, dressed only in his skinny jeans and socks. Jamie smiled at him, "Are you feeling better today?" He signed. Anti glanced behind him and saw Marvin staring from his own room. Anti rolled his eyes and motioned for Jamie to enter, narrowing his eyes at the spying magician. 

Closing the door behind Jamie, Anti turned to his little brother and sighed, "I'm not, actually feeling better. Chase had more nightmares last night and for once I didn't enjoy seeing them." Jamie put his hands on his hips, and gave him a stern look which Anti understood easily, "I didn't cause them! I was checking on him cause he had said he has nightmares before and I wanted to try to help. I guess to say thanks. I know I did that to him, but he was helping me anyway..." Anti shook his head and ran a hand through his thick, unruly hair, making it stand up at odd angles worse than before. "Now you feel guilty." Jamie signed at him. Anti frowned but said nothing. "You feel guilt because you did something wrong. Do you understand that?" Jamie pressed him. Anti scoffed and turned away, crossing his arms.

Jamie wasn't having any of this and turned Anti to face him, "You have to decide who you're going to be here, in living color, Anti. You can't pick and choose the times you want to be evil or good." A small flame of fear was flickering inside Jamie and Anti could see it, like seeing through his soul. It was a beautiful sapphire blue, seated in the center of his abdomen, Anti's instinct was to reach for it, but he could never. Not just because he now had something to lose, living with the egos, but because of what Jamie was to him. Jamie was his creation, not Jack's, and Anti felt incredible possessive love for him. "I don't want everyone to hate me, but I don't want to be some sweet, soft, whatever-the-fuck... I still want to be _me_." Anti sighed and dropped back into his corner. Jamie smiled gently and knelt in front of him, "You don't have to change who you are, big brother. You only have to change the choices you make, and take responsibility for the ones you've made." 


	4. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ego fluff chapter to soothe you all into a false sense of security before the next chapter. Fair warning, there's gonna be some gruesome angst in the next one c;

Jamie had left Anti after their chat to finish getting ready in his room, the latter dragging his feet as his searched for shoes and a shirt. Chase arrived to find Anti's door open, a very uncharacteristic thing for this particular ego, he knocked on the door frame. Anti glanced up, arms halfway through pulling a shirt on. "Morning Anti. How ya feeling?" Chase smiled, waiting patiently for Anti to pull his shirt on and slip his feet into boots. "Alright, I guess. Jameson came to check on me." Anti shrugged has he plopped onto his bed and tied his laces. Chase appreciated that Anti referred to JJ by his name because of his respect for the mute ego. JJ hated his nickname, but never complained to the others because they all loved it. 

"It's really cool of you to be so nice to him." Chase offered as Anti finished tying a knot. Anti snorted, dismissing the compliment without a thought. "You have a hard time with compliments for someone who loves attention." Chase grinned as he teased his brother. Anti glared irritably, "Jameson is my brother. I created him, he's the only thing that connects me to this world besides Jack." He explained bitterly. Chase stepped out of the doorway to allow Anti into the hall, "The egos are taking a trip to the beach since it stopped raining. Why don'tcha come with us?" He gently transitioned to a lighter conversation. Anti gave him a confused look, "What about the others?" He didn't believe for a moment they wanted to be around him. Chase threw an arm around his shoulders and steered him to the stairs, "No worries there, I know how to handle them."

The egos were collected in the living room, all dressed in vibrant colored swim trunks, goggles and inner tubes, except the Doctor, who was confidently sporting a tiny speedo. Chase snorted involuntarily and averted his eyes, "Suh my bros, are we all packed and ready to go?" Jack bounded into the room with a beach ball, "Ready!" JJ patted Chase's arm, before nodding to Anti, "Did he say yes?" He signed subtly. Chase smirked and bobbed his head, "Course he agreed, I'm great at everything, even getting Anti to socialize." He chuckled before addressing the room at large, "Alrighty bros and creator, me and Anti were the last in line so lets go cram ourselves into the van and get some sun!" Thankfully the egos understood Chase's intention of not bringing too much attention to Anti while still informing the gang that he'd be joining. 

As the gang of egos shuffled to the car, Jackieboy made his first attempt at casual conversation with his previously sworn enemy. "Do you need a towel, Anti? I brought two just in case." He offered a big blue towel with a lively green Septic Sam printed on the front. Anti always liked Sam, so he did his best to recreate Chase's smile and accepted it. Jackieboy's eyes widened in wonder as he witnessed his first ever Anti smile. Robbie nudged him from behind, Jackieboy looking over his shoulder to see what for. Robbie motioned with his hand for Jackieboy to continue, so he tried. "H-have you gotten to experiment with your powers yet? To see what you can do now that you have a...now that you have a body of your own?" It was clear to Anti Jackieboy was choosing his words carefully. While not entirely enthused at the idea of spending the day chatting with Jackieboy, Anti appreciated the confidence Chase's trust seemed to have instilled. They really were trying. 

"I can still teleport, not as far though. It makes me tired now." Anti answered thoughtfully. Jackieboy twisted his mouth to one side as he thought, "Maybe you're body is just still getting used to it. With muscles you have to work them a lot to make them stronger, maybe your powers are the same way?" Anti mulled this over, "You may be right, there. I can still summon my kn-, uh, I can still make things appear at will. Not everything, but lots of things." On Anti's other side, JJ joined the conversation, "He gets my favorite caramel corn from the carnival whenever its fresh!" Anti smiled to his little brother, before Jackieboy gasped up at him, "Can you get my squirt gun for me? I forgot it but I didn't want to make Jack turn around." He added the last part with an embarrassed look that reminded Anti of JJ when he first explained he was mute to the egos. "What does it look like? Do you remember exactly where you left it?" Anti asked. Jackieboy nodded excitedly, "Its white and blue and purple with a yellow spout. I left it on my bed while I was packing." 

Anti focused his thoughts on the house now many miles behind them and pictured the room before him. He could see the outline and the vague color blends, he reached his hand out and grasped the handle before retracting his arm and handing it to Jackieboy who seemed a little star struck. "Whoa..." He whispered as he held his water gun in his hands as tough he'd been given a git from god. JJ smiled proudly and Robbie was "ooh"ing and "ahh"ing left and right. As the troupe arrived at the beach, clambering out of the car and scattering quickly. Anti was roped into helping JJ and Jackieboy start a sand castle but was able to slip away as Robbie and Marvin appeared to help. Henrik was reclining on a towel and reading a book. Jack was setting up a goal for volleyball with the assistance of Chase when someone shouted something about food and the entire group got distracted.

After a delicious, home-cooked meal, the boys had split into two teams to play against each other, excluding Anti, who didn't fully understand and chose instead to watch. Eventually they all abandoned their game with no real winner and began to pack up their things into the van. Chase was doing a head count when he realized Anti was missing. Swiveling his head in several directions, he found him quickly, a warm grin overtaking Chase when he did. In the distance, Anti was standing at the shore, letting the tide come in over his feet as he watched the waves. A streak of brilliant light split and branched across the clouds as grey began to overtake white. Chase whistled to get his attention and waved to catch his eye, "C'mon bro, we're hittin' the road!" He called, but was drowned out by a sudden and explosive clap of thunder. Anti looked up and the sky opened for him, a moderate rain falling like someone had flipped a switch. The rain fell on his face in cold, sharp pellets, but he didn't find it unpleasant at all. It felt raw and powerful, Anti smiled his first true smile into the storm.


	5. Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this part is a little sad. I had a pretty serious anxiety attack today and needed to channel it somewhere so I wrote the egos helping Anti through his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sean's first upload did me a heckin' concern so expect another update soon, probably tomorrow. Keep your eyes on the internet, Instant Chill Pack, our boy is in danger!

Sitting in his corner, head buried in his hands, resting back against the wall, Anti screwed his eyes shut against the sight before him. The walls of his room were melting, glitching between realities, red and green static making it appear as though their surface was made of insects in the blacked out bedroom. Tight, sharp knots of stress were twisting around in Anti's stomach, reaching into his chest and stabbing his lungs as he attempted to fill them with air. He released a shuddering breath that gave way to a dry sob. His hands shook as they slid from his face into his hair and fisted themselves there as Anti peered into the shifting form of his room. Low, nearly indiscernible ringing found its way into his ears, starting so small and quiet he barely noticed it, til it became a piercing din. 

Hot tears slipped unseen down Anti's cheeks, over the bridge of his nose and down his chin as he peered into his room again. He knew exactly what he would see, but for some reason his mind forced him to look, again and again, hurting more and more every time. A thick, bubbling movement in his gut made him clench his teeth, fearing he'd vomit on his floor. At least last time he made it to the bathroom. But as he let his sight focus once more on what his heart refused to accept, a tidal wave of emotional agony slammed into him and knocked the breath out of him again.

His room was littered with the bodies of his brothers, blood pooling from each body at his feet. They're bright eyes all open, unseeing, now so much more dim. The quiet sizzling hiss of the static was growing and overtaking the volume of the ringing in his ears as fresh tears filled his eyes and blurred his vision. JJ's body was the closest, head facing Anti, mouth open in slight surprise, one hand reaching toward his creator. Anti screamed with every broken piece of himself, unraveling as he felt his world crashing down around him. The light bulbs in his ceiling fan, lamp and the screen of his tv all exploded and showered the room in sparks and glass. How could he have done this?

Four fists were pounding on Anti's door as he screamed, his voice breaking and glitching as several tones split and formed an unholy sound. "ANTI OPEN THE DOOR!" Jack shouted as he and Chase beat on the door. Seconds were slipping away and the family of real egos could all hear pressure building in the room, Anti was going to collapse in on himself in mere moments. Jack tried the handle again, "Anti, listen to me, I'm right here! Let me in!" He cried, raising his fists to pound again for entry. A stern grip on his arm pulled Jack away from the door before he could resume banging on it. Chase had a very uncharacteristically determined look on his face as he stepped back and planted his left foot behind himself. He inhaled and spun his hip forward, kicking his right leg at the handle of the door and sending the wooden barrier shattering at the frame, swinging open with such force that it swung shut again. Chase burst into the room followed immediately by Jack.

The duo saw Anti sitting in his favorite corner, staring open mouthed at the floor in front of him. Neither Chase nor Jack could see the gruesome scene he had been torturing himself with. Chase dropped to his knees one Anti's left side, Jack on his right, the other egos crowded around the doorway in fright and concern. Anti's eyes suddenly blinked rapidly and he looked up at the two intruders. "Don't worry, bro, I gotcha." Chase said softly, scooping Anti into his arms as though he were a small child, despite being the same size Chase himself. Jack moved to follow Chase as he carried Anti down the hall, down the stairs, and out the front door. It was raining. 

Chase said nothing as he took his brother into the downpour and knelt down into the muddy front yard. He didn't fully release his other self, as Anti had at some point wrapped both arms around Chase's neck, but held him as he shivered in the storm. "It's not as cold on your skin as you thought it would be, right?" Chase said softly. Anti nodded. "Your body is cold so the rain feels warm. If there was a breeze you'd probably think it was ice. Can you smell that? The hot driveway wet with the rain?" He continued. Anti lifted his head and sniffed before nodding again. "That's one of my favorite smells, cause the sun always comes out again after those kinds of rains." Chase caught Anti looking up at the clouds as they fought for control of the sky. Beams of sunlight cut through here and there, lighting the gloomy scene mysteriously. "Can you breathe okay now?" Chase asked as Anti turned back to him. He nodded once more. Chase sighed in relief before turning to the others and jerking his head for them to approach.

From the porch the other egos had watched with baited breath, and, when Chase motioned for them to come over, JJ was the first to splash into the yard, followed by Marvin, Robbie, Jackieboy, and pulling up the rear, Jack and Doctor Henrik Schneeplestein. JJ flung his arms around Anti's waist and sniffled. Marvin pulled a scarf out of his sleeve and offered it to JJ, who accepted it with a wet smile. As he pulled the scarf out to wipe his face, several more different colored scarves came out behind it, Marvin giggled at his own joke. Henrik placed a hand on Chase's shoulder, drawing his gaze, "Vell done, Chase." He smiled at his old friend who returned it with a beam. Jack squatted next to Anti, "You wanna come inside and get a bite? Food would do ye some good right now." Anti glanced at Chase who smiled encouragingly before agreeing and letting himself be pulled to his feet. As their creator and fellow ego made their way back into the house, Henrik looked sideways at Chase, "How did you know vhat to do?" Chase shrugged, "My son had something kind similar. It always helped to change the environment, ya know? Inside, take him out, outside, take him in. Find some things to reel him back in, like touches, sounds, and smells." Henrik smiled broadly, "You are a good father."


	6. Part 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for guns and suicide! Proceed with caution, this is some sad boi Chase.

House empty, halls silent, a lone ego sat on the roof of a large house, staring at the night sky. A nearly empty bottle of whiskey in hand, Chase felt new tears stinging his eyes and burning his nose as he took a deep breath to fend off sobs. The entire week leading up to this night had been a lot of effort, but he'd managed to perfectly orchestrate a night to get all of the other occupants out so that he could be alone. Today would have been his and Stacy's wedding anniversary, and for just one night, Chase wanted peace from the constant excited chatter and boisterous laughter of his brothers. Usually he loved how rowdy the house got, food fights and impromptu challenge, and occasional arguments, the others shared. Tonight he needed to be free to let his sorrow swallow him whole and not have someone else trying to cheer him up incessantly. 

So, instead of join his egos at the movie theater to see the newest super hero movie, Chase had snuck into Jack's bedroom and found his alcohol stash. All the alcohol in the house had been moved to Jack's room when it became known that Chase was an alcoholic. Usually he had plenty of self control around it, but tonight was not the night for self restraint. After emptying the bottle, Chase decided to crawl back inside through the window he'd come through and find another drink. Clambering through the window frame, he accidentally brushed his elbow against a lampshade, sending it to the floor with a crash. "Shit," He said in a drunken whisper to no one at all. Glancing around his room, Chase decided to clean it up later, unable to remember where the broom and dustpan were. He crept through the house in his socks, being needlessly quiet, as he slipped into Jack's bedroom. 

Bottles clinked as he sifted through the various drinks, finally choosing sake. The bottle was nearly full bottle and crystal clear, Chase opened the top and threw back a long chug. It burned going down, he gritted his teeth, "Ugh, fuck." Slowly winding his way back to his bedroom, Chase kicked the door closed behind him and dropped onto his bed. From under his bed frame he pulled a shoe-box and opened it, rummaging through it's contents as he swayed where he sat. A picture of himself and his wife on the day of their wedding was the first thing he chose to examine. Stacy looked so different then, so happy. Neither of them knew she was pregnant then with their first child. He recalled the night she left vividly. They'd been arguing for weeks, months really, and that night she'd had enough. 

Chase had locked himself in the bathroom to escape her wrath while he tried to sober up, the loud static in his ears masking shrieks in his mind. All he truly remembered was the slam of the front door. Still he wasn't sure what of his memories were real and which ones were Anti's doing, but Chase knew in his heart that he could never reach the same kind of happiness he'd had with Stacy. She'd never take him back, knowing what Anti had said to her, choosing not to know what he'd _done_ to her too. He leaned back against the headboard of his bed and sighed, tears streaming down his face. "I'm sorry, Stace." He shuddered a sob, and set the picture aside, returning his thoughts to the box. A small blue ribbon, belonging to his oldest for a school achievement, and a stick figure drawing from his youngest, given to Chase as a gift on his birthday. He smiled sadly as fresh tears stained his cheeks. He missed his kids so much, knowing every day they lived without him pulled them further away from him.

Moving on to the last thing in his private time capsule, Chase set aside the other trinkets to pick up the final item. Cold in his hands, the shiny metal piece was heavier than he remembered. He turned it over, remembering when he first realized he had it. He wasn't exactly sure how he'd come to own it, but at some point during his struggle with Anti, it had appeared under his pillow. When Stacy left it was the only thing she didn't take with her, and the painful idea of her hoping he'd use it on himself had never left him. This was the unfortunate thought he'd come back to this night, grabbing the glass bottle of rice wine and chugging a generous portion of it. His head felt like a balloon was being blown up inside it, eyes heavy, mind riding through rough waters between his grief and the alcohol. His tolerance had all but disappeared during his sobriety, so at this point any more drinking was simply intentional brain damage. The whiskey had done more than enough to bring him to his desired inebriated state.

Idly checking the chamber, Chase saw what he already knew. A nearly full cylinder, save one missing bullet. He pushed the memory of his failed attempt at suicide away before it could properly fester. "I suck at everything." He scoffed at himself aloud. "Suck at being a husband." His thumbed slid the safety off without thought, "Suck at bein' a dad." He pulled the hammer back, barrel aimed at the foot of his bed in his limp grip. His brain replayed the sound of the front door slamming as the only good part of his life left him in desperation. "Suck at offing my fucking self." Chase concluded his thought as he closed his eyes and let tears spill onto his shirt. Free hand gripping his face, he sobbed wearily, leaning forward to sit on the edge of the bed. His fingers pushed the brim of his hat up and grabbed his hair, heart aching so powerfully it felt like dying but without the relief. Stomach clenched tight like the muscles in his jaw, Chase rested the tip of the barrel against his temple. Moving his index finger from the grip to the trigger, he took a deep breath. As his finger curled to pull the trigger, his bedroom door swung open and he glanced up to see Anti standing in the doorway, a fading smile quickly turning to a look of shock.


	7. Part 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm bringing Chase's solo story with Anti to a close. I'm going to explore a little more of this in Dual Hearts (my Septiplier fic) and try to bring Other Self Medicating, and How It Really Happened (my Danti fic) all together in one story.  
> I'm not making any promises as to my ability to write for so many egos, but I want to try!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we find some angst and plot. Might be one more chapter coming, haven't decided yet ^^

Time was frozen for several heartbeats as Anti stared at a scene that was all too familiar. He was the artist behind this tragic image, the one who had orchestrated so many altercations and arguments to bring the weeping man before him to this very state. It made him sick now to see, Chase's body trembling in exhaustion and tears, the light from the hall reflecting off the barrel of the gun, still pressed to his temple. Several heavy footsteps came from the stairs, growing louder as they neared. Anti reacted quickly and pulled the bedroom door shut silently, glitching out of view. Chase's still intoxicated mind was slow to catch up as he looked around for the invisible ego. 

Several things happened very suddenly, Anti appeared at his side, causing Chase to jump. His hand contract in an involuntary spasm of fright and he pulled the trigger as his bedroom door swung open to Jackieboy and Marvin fighting to enter first. They froze at the sight before them, smiles slowly fading as they absorbed the event that unfolded before them. Chase had pulled the trigger... and nothing happened? He'd squeezed his eyes shut when he felt his finger slip, but he was still hearing the egos in the hall. He could still feel the gun against his head. He opened his puffy eyes and looked up. Anti stood above him, teeth clenched in a look of pain or anger. Chase noticed his arm was reaching for him and followed it. Anti had grabbed for the gun before Chase had pulled the trigger, his fingers jamming the hammer from striking the pin. "Release it." Anti's voice was low and threatening. Chase obeyed. Anti dismantled the gun with little effort, having mastered all it's uses when torturing Chase in the past. "You smell like you bathed in alcohol." His tone was colder than permafrost. "Today is-" Chase began but Anti cut him off, "I know what today is. I agreed to go with the others to give you space, not to let you give up." Anti threw the gun pieces to either side of the bedroom loudly, Marvin flinched at the bang. Jackie was gone.

"Chase, what-... why?" Marvin asked in a small voice as he stepped inside. Chase hung his head and clasped his hands over the back of it, pushing his flat bill cap back onto his crown properly. "Because of me." Anti's disgust was evident in his voice. Jackie returned, with Jack in tow. The two locked eyes with Anti, eyes passing judgement over an incident they didn't understand. Jack stepped past Marvin toward Anti, raising an accusatory finger. Anti glanced back at Chase and grimaced, weighing his options. "I couldn't help myself." Anti growled, looking back at Jack whose eyes widened in anger. Chase looked up at Anti, "What?" Anti glanced at him and back to Jack, his heart racing as he backed away from Jack slowly. "He was such an easy target, alone and vulnerable. Those are my favorite." He couldn't help but be a little proud of his acting abilities. "Don't say another fuckin' word." His creator spat. Anti forced an evil grin, "I don't have to. I've had my fun." Anti looked around one last time before feeling his back hit Chase's bedroom window. "We'll have to do this again real soon." He cackled as Jack lunged for him. He disappeared in bright glitch of light and static. "God dammit!" Jack punched the wall.

Chase stood up and stumbled, falling to his knees on the floor behind Jack, "He's not comin' back now." He sniffled. Jack turned to him, brow furrowed in confusion, "Why the hell do ya want him to come back for?" Marvin pushed Jackieboy aside, "Anti _saved_ Chase! He didn't do anything!" He pushed his mask up and glared at Jack. "He was trying to make Chase shoot himself!" Jackieboy argued. "No he wasn't, you didn't see cause you ran off to get Jack!" They were going back and forth like children, Chase watched with reddened, tired eyes. "Today was me and Stacy's anniversary." He said finally. Everyone present turned to face him. He took a few deep breathes and stood up, leaning on his bed for support. "I planned this whole day for you guys so you could have fun, and so I could be here alone." Jack noticed the broken lamp, he looked at Chase as he swayed where he stood. "Marvin, Jackie, downstairs. Now." He said sharply.

Cut off with a fierce look before they could protest, the two shuffled out of the room and down the stairs leaving Jack alone with Chase. "You got inta my liquor cabinet." It wasn't a question. Chase nodded, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "Why didn't ya tell any of us? We want to help, you don't have to suffer alone." Jack sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and striding closer to Chase. Jack carefully sat Chase down, and looked him in the eyes before asking gently, "What happened?"

*

A comfortable breeze rustled the branches and leaves of the trees surrounding Dark's mansion. Leaning against a stone bannister overlooking the back yard, Dark sipped a square glass filled with amber liquid, a single ice cube in it. The moon was out, bright and full it overlooked the man and his lonely castle, reflecting the starry sky like a backlit, navy canopy with holes punched in it. He sighed and finished his drink, turning back to head inside as he slipped off his suit jacket and unbuttoned his dress shirt. Opening the back door he could hear a loud raised voice, singing out of tune from the foyer. Wilford must be home. Following the belted tones, Dark found his oldest friend slumped over, sitting on the floor, trying to take off his boots. "Dark old boy!" Wilford greeted him as he stepped into the room. "Care for a nightcap?" Wilford produced a flask from within his open hunting jacket's inside pocket. 

Shaking his head and taking the flask, Dark set it aside and carefully put a hand under each arm of Wilford's limp body, "Bit too much, would you say?" He mumbled as he tried to cooperate and move his feet in a walking-like fashion. "A bit too much, my dear Wil." Dark chuckled lightly, carrying Wilford to his room. They made their way back to Wilford's room without much trouble. Dark couldn't imagine being angry with Wilford, despite his problems. He valued their friendship too much, Wilford was his only true friend. Never a lie or a falsehood from him, only the truth, even when bitter and painful. They shared the same tormented past, and Dark felt a cogent need to protect him. They'd brought Mark's several splintered selves together in this house and made them more powerful, more dedicated. Dark and Wilford were the structure in Mark's life, and in his egos lives, and if Wilford needed a night every now and then to forget what he never really could, then so be it.

Once Wilford was undressed and tucked in, Dark retreated to his own room, leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor and shutting himself in his bathroom. This was his hiding spot when he had no energy left to face the outside world. Rather than flip the light switch, he lit a few candles and started to draw a bath. This was one of his favorite indulgences he allowed himself, a bubble bath. Wilford had a long laugh at his expense over it when he first caught Dark soaking up to his nose in bubbles. Still he had agreed to keep it a secret, though on rare occasion Wilford would use this as blackmail. Inhaling the subtle scent of the soap on the warm rising steam, Dark opened the bathroom window to let the heat escape and eased himself into the tub and leaned back, letting his eyes fall shut. He was comfortably seated on the edge of slumber, listening to the flickering candles and rustling breeze outside. The breeze picked up to a proper wind, the breeze growing louder and less distinct, nearly mimicking the sound of pure white noise. The sound of the whispering wind changed and became artificial, like- static? A familiar voice stirred him. "Well isn't this romantic." 


End file.
